The Beck Diet Solution Day 34 and the Rebel Within

The Beck Diet Solution Day 34 and the Rebel Within 

Monday, January 12, 2015 

Day 34 of the Beck Diet Solution is Solve Problems. 

I have a recurring problem. I argue with absolutes. For four days I blogged about "eliminate emotional eating"... in depth, and from my experience. But the whole time I was having issues with the word "Eliminate" as it relates to almost anything. It sounds so absolute, so perfectionist. 

My issue is that everybody chooses to eat in response to emotion at times. One of the statements Beck makes (page 227, it's in large font) is "People without a weight problem don't think of eating to feel better." REALLY? I mean, REALLY? I don't think so. I know many people of normal weight who DO eat to feel better. In fact, I've heard it recommended by people of normal weight at times! "Have some ice cream." "Have a cookie." Hey, those food pushers aren't all overweight. 

A great place for an "Oh, Well", right? 

But seriously... I got up Saturday morning, saw bottom scream weight on the scale and had this thought, "The only way I've regained back to normal range was by having a binge-y weekend, back on Labor Day... and here I am again. I've been trying this planned eating thing, and it's not working." 

Then I went to the dentist, where I had fluoride varnish applied to my teeth, and the dental hygienist gave me dietary instructions: no hard, crunch, or hot foods until 4 p.m. Out the window with my planned nuts, crisp salad, baby carrots and celery, coffee unless I let it cool to luke warm... same with any hot entrees. Until 4 p.m. She suggested ice cream. Seriously. I didn't bite. 

So I danced around the planning, already "off" the program, chancing my Greek salad leftover from Friday's work Holiday Luncheon. But 4 p.m. arrived and I went slightly crazy. I oil popped popcorn (coconut oil). I ate not only what was on my plan but went beyond with rolled oats based "puddings". I don't keep serious damage creating trigger foods in my house, but I can do volume with these semi dangerous foods. 

And I did. Not just Saturday afternoon/evening, while I binge watched the two seasons of White Collar on Netflix. And on Sunday when I continued it. I was a slug... did not do planned or spontaneous exercise, either. I hid in my cave and ate freely of what was in the house. Avoided going to the grocery store to make it worse, at least. Giving myself credit for that! 

This morning? I'm back within a pound of my goal weight center (above 120, yes!). Six pounds up from my Saturday morning. Yes, I know it's mostly water weight. Yes, I know I can turn it around. At every point in this episode I was aware of what I was doing, of each decision that I made... but I decided to keep eating, anyway. 

A great episode to problem solve my way through, don't you think?

So, what was I thinking: "I need to gain weight." A truth. 

Which led to: "Planned eating is not working for me." Not necessarily a truth. What kind of thinking error could I be making? All or nothing thinking. (Either it's working or it's not... either I'm eating planned or I'm eating uncontrolled.) 

What evidence is there that this thought might not be true, or not completely true? Well, I didn't try planning the full 500 calories above... only a hundred or couple of hundred extra. And I wasn't WHOLLY off plan on Saturday, just used this on-off binary thinking along with the justification of the number on the scale to let myself keep eating. 

Is there an alternative explanation or another way of viewing this: see above, I could be planning more calories or different calories! I could be LEARNING to plan better and trusting the plan more. 

What is the effect of my believing the negative thought (on or off plan, controlled or uncontrolled, unable to plan effectively to gain in a controlled fashion): from time to time I will continue to have these "episodes". And I don't feel good when I do. 

What would happen if I changed this belief? I might actually learn how to control the regain. 

What would I tell a friend? Don't panic. You learned something now. Get back on program and continue. Try planning better. 

What should I do now? Go to work. Eat what's in the bag. And proceed with my NORMAL life. Because believe me, the bloated feeling from an episode like this? Is NOT normal for me, anymore. And I re-learn it, every time this happens. 

Eliminate? May never be an absolute for me. But the word DOES belong on a program, because too many of us compulsives will use a lesser word as a reason to justify non-compliant behaviors... just as I did this past weekend. 

 That said, today, I choose: RECOVERY.