My brain will have to be on automatic today

My brain will have to be on automatic today

Originally published Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Beck Diet Solution Day 34 and the Rebel Within

The Beck Diet Solution Day 34 and the Rebel Within 

Monday, January 12, 2015 

Day 34 of the Beck Diet Solution is Solve Problems. 

I have a recurring problem. I argue with absolutes. For four days I blogged about "eliminate emotional eating"... in depth, and from my experience. But the whole time I was having issues with the word "Eliminate" as it relates to almost anything. It sounds so absolute, so perfectionist. 

My issue is that everybody chooses to eat in response to emotion at times. One of the statements Beck makes (page 227, it's in large font) is "People without a weight problem don't think of eating to feel better." REALLY? I mean, REALLY? I don't think so. I know many people of normal weight who DO eat to feel better. In fact, I've heard it recommended by people of normal weight at times! "Have some ice cream." "Have a cookie." Hey, those food pushers aren't all overweight. 

A great place for an "Oh, Well", right? 

But seriously... I got up Saturday morning, saw bottom scream weight on the scale and had this thought, "The only way I've regained back to normal range was by having a binge-y weekend, back on Labor Day... and here I am again. I've been trying this planned eating thing, and it's not working." 

Then I went to the dentist, where I had fluoride varnish applied to my teeth, and the dental hygienist gave me dietary instructions: no hard, crunch, or hot foods until 4 p.m. Out the window with my planned nuts, crisp salad, baby carrots and celery, coffee unless I let it cool to luke warm... same with any hot entrees. Until 4 p.m. She suggested ice cream. Seriously. I didn't bite. 

So I danced around the planning, already "off" the program, chancing my Greek salad leftover from Friday's work Holiday Luncheon. But 4 p.m. arrived and I went slightly crazy. I oil popped popcorn (coconut oil). I ate not only what was on my plan but went beyond with rolled oats based "puddings". I don't keep serious damage creating trigger foods in my house, but I can do volume with these semi dangerous foods. 

And I did. Not just Saturday afternoon/evening, while I binge watched the two seasons of White Collar on Netflix. And on Sunday when I continued it. I was a slug... did not do planned or spontaneous exercise, either. I hid in my cave and ate freely of what was in the house. Avoided going to the grocery store to make it worse, at least. Giving myself credit for that! 

This morning? I'm back within a pound of my goal weight center (above 120, yes!). Six pounds up from my Saturday morning. Yes, I know it's mostly water weight. Yes, I know I can turn it around. At every point in this episode I was aware of what I was doing, of each decision that I made... but I decided to keep eating, anyway. 

A great episode to problem solve my way through, don't you think?

So, what was I thinking: "I need to gain weight." A truth. 

Which led to: "Planned eating is not working for me." Not necessarily a truth. What kind of thinking error could I be making? All or nothing thinking. (Either it's working or it's not... either I'm eating planned or I'm eating uncontrolled.) 

What evidence is there that this thought might not be true, or not completely true? Well, I didn't try planning the full 500 calories above... only a hundred or couple of hundred extra. And I wasn't WHOLLY off plan on Saturday, just used this on-off binary thinking along with the justification of the number on the scale to let myself keep eating. 

Is there an alternative explanation or another way of viewing this: see above, I could be planning more calories or different calories! I could be LEARNING to plan better and trusting the plan more. 

What is the effect of my believing the negative thought (on or off plan, controlled or uncontrolled, unable to plan effectively to gain in a controlled fashion): from time to time I will continue to have these "episodes". And I don't feel good when I do. 

What would happen if I changed this belief? I might actually learn how to control the regain. 

What would I tell a friend? Don't panic. You learned something now. Get back on program and continue. Try planning better. 

What should I do now? Go to work. Eat what's in the bag. And proceed with my NORMAL life. Because believe me, the bloated feeling from an episode like this? Is NOT normal for me, anymore. And I re-learn it, every time this happens. 

Eliminate? May never be an absolute for me. But the word DOES belong on a program, because too many of us compulsives will use a lesser word as a reason to justify non-compliant behaviors... just as I did this past weekend. 

 That said, today, I choose: RECOVERY. 

Eliminate Emotional eating part 4: anti-craving behavioral techniques

Eliminate Emotional eating part 4: anti-craving behavioral techniques

Saturday, January 10, 2015 

The past three blogs I dealt with my mainstay for strong emotions: actually facing them, feeling them, and working through them. 

A few people commented about the value of working out/exercise as a coping mechanism, and I want to second that motion (pun intended). Exercise while working through emotions can be a great benefit... think punching out your anger with a kick-boxing workout... or running with tears streaming down your face while you remember a loved one who passed, taking them for a ride on your shoulder (been there, done that!) 

But exercise can also be a means of distraction, one of the "behavioral techniques" that Beck lists in her Day 13 writing. I've got nothing against using behavioral techniques to assist in avoiding eating over emotions. But I do have one cautionary note: these may help in getting you to the point of dealing with your emotion. They work especially well with temporary / fleeting emotions that readily resolve themselves with the passage of time. But if you have BIG things going on emotionally, you eventually do need to face them down. So by all means USE the behavioral techniques, but don't run away from dealing with cognitive dissonance (i.e. a disconnect between how you're feeling and what you deeply value). If left unresolved, all the distraction and moving around the deck chairs on the Titantic (um... food in the environment) won't permanently solve the underlying emotional eating issue. 

And if you have trouble with emotions beyond what these suggestions give, I thoroughly recommend seeing a professional therapist or faith counselor. (hint: Where do you think I learned some of this stuff?) Even Beck says if you find yourself continuing to binge after following her program for several weeks, seek a therapist. 

The techniques, as listed (page 131 of the pink book): 

1. Distance yourself from the food you crave. For me, that means winning the battle of the grocery store, taking the long way around the food offerings at work, etc. Especially when I can tell I'm in a vulnerable place, emotionally.  
2. Drink a no- or low-calorie beverage. Water is great. Unsweetened tea sometimes hits the spot. I like heated low sodium tomato or mixed veggie juice myself at times. 
3. Relax. This is where the breathing exercise comes in, or there are muscle relaxing, stretching exercises that help, too. 
4. Distract yourself. Any number of things can distract you from thinking about your emotion that is troubling you: getting busy DOING something helps a LOT. Doing something you enjoy and can get wrapped up in. Beck has a whole list of possible activities, and exercise is ONE of the things listed.

By arranging your environment, relaxing enough to be back in rational control, and taking up a distraction, you can get yourself to the point of readiness to deal with those emotions. If the emotion was one of those fleeting ones? It may no longer be an issue at all. 

Working on your emotions and resolving them with your values can be hard work, and heavy lifting. But trust me, it's very much worth it. More than being tough, more than being stubborn or having willpower, more than succeeding at weight loss or maintenance: it makes for a better life! 

Tomorrow I'll move on to problem solving (Beck Diet Solution Day 34). Today, I choose: a full and rich life, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

 Be at peace, friends. 

Eliminating Emotional Eating Part 3: but HOW?

Eliminate Emotional eating part three: But HOW do I sit with this emotion? 

Friday, January 09, 2015 

I realized after writing last night's blog that I mentioned deciding to sit with an emotion, but I didn't much talk about emotions that are SO intense that "sitting" doesn't seem like enough. So I'll spend a few words on some specific emotions, and how I "sit" (or otherwise process) through them. 

Sadness and sorrow: for me, I sometimes indulge these with a book or movie that plays into the feeling, and frees the tears. Bring the tissues. Leave the cannoli. Apologies for The Godfather reference - have to get my humor in. 

Anger, frustration and resentment: when it's more than a passing irritation, these can be HUGE. Especially if you have a feeling of injustice or unfairness driving it. Believe it or not, take the dog to the run. If you don't have a dog, go by yourself. Hopefully you'll have enough free space you can shout into the wind or similar. Me? I've been know to yell at God when I'm alone on a windswept slope. Once vented, it's time for the "Oh well!" of Beck fame. 

Anxiety and fear: breathing, seriously. Breathe in to a count of four. Hold for a count of four. Exhale fully, to a count of eight. Do this three or four times, and you probably have enough calm to keep going. Breathing is also good just to get a grip until you can deal with the stronger emotions, and move on to the problem-solving. 

Guilt and conflicts of emotions: when you're feeling an emotion that you don't THINK you should ever feel, and you're finding that cognitive dissonance with deeply held values - let the emotions talk to one another. Introduce reasoning, a dispassionate extra party, your observing self. The emotion you don't think you should feel (anger at someone who has power over you, irritation with someone that you actually love or who can't help themselves) needs to be acknowledged, and then the overriding positive emotions welcomed in to put the negative one (the one you were feeling guilty for feeling) into perspective. Remind yourself that you do not control when an emotion is going to pop up... and reassure yourself that it doesn't make you a bad person... because you DO love your job, respect your boss, adore your children who just stomped on your last nerve, and honor your spouse. All these emotions and feelings CAN coexist... and the stronger, more predominant ones can prevail. 

It is here where forgiveness lives... in the resolution of conflicting emotions and deeply held values and beliefs. And as the old saying goes... forgiveness is not for the sake of the forgiven! 

Today I choose: to let my feelings RESOLVE their complexity and inner conflicts, and to be WHOLE.

Eliminate Emotional Eating Part 2: Now that you've caught it...

Eliminate Emotional eating part two: now that you've caught it, what are you going to do with it?

Thursday, January 08, 2015 

There's this old cartoon of Marmaduke, the great Dane. In it, you see a driver who has rolled down the window of his compact car, saying to the big dog, "OK, now that you've caught it, what are you going to DO with it?" 

You've done step one: you have identified an emotion that you are feeling. You know it's making you want to eat. What can you DO about the emotion OTHER than eat?

Beck's item 1 on her anti-craving strategies still applies: label it. Give it a name. Talk to it (OK, maybe that's just me). I like to think of the old Simon & Garfunkel tune, The Sounds of Silence, "Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again..." 

I will go through this inner dialog, "I know you! You're anxiety. I'm feeling you because I'm under deadline pressure and I just found another bug in my code." "You're irritation... the kids just spilled dirt on the carpet AGAIN!" "You're sadness... I saw a dog just like the one I lost last year." Whatever it is... if you can put a name on it... it gives you a starting point.

Also, once you know what it is, and that it's not hunger... you have alternatives about what to do with it.

Beck's #2 is to stand firm. Tell yourself you're not giving in to the craving, the desire to eat. The decision is made. My equivalent for the emotion is similar: I'm not going to eat over it... but I might choose to just sit with it and experience it. 

The thing about feelings is that you didn't ask for them. Having them doesn't make you a bad person, even if it's a feeling you think you shouldn't feel: you are a caretaker and you got irritated at your patient. That's something you think you should be too caring and compassionate to feel. It has set up a cognitive dissonance in your thinking... you THINK you shouldn't feel this... and yet it's there. Add "guilt" and possibly "shame" to your feeling because you think the feeling is inappropriate. Now you have triple the emotional triggers to eat. 

If you just sit with a feeling for a while and acknowledge its existence, you may notice it losing its intensity. Release any sense of guilt or shame. Don't try to NOT feel the feeling. It will kind of go away on its own. Breathing exercises help me in this situation, too, in getting through feeling the feeling.

Beck's point 3 is to NOT give yourself a choice. I am not convinced of this, when it comes to strong emotion, when eating is what we've always done to respond. I believe I have to give myself responsibility to make a decision, determine whether this is something I need to make an exception for. By giving myself the choice, giving myself "permission to fail" if you will, I also free myself to succeed. I know it sounds very anti-Beck, but it works for me, more often than not.

In the process of giving myself that choice, to eat or not to eat, I make use of her points 4 and 5... imagining the outcome of both sides of the choice: if I give in and eat to mask/suppress the emotion, or if I stand firm and let the feeling fade. I think choice is very important in my life. I like being "in charge"... my inner rebel even more so! 

Once I've made the decision to NOT cave to eating the emotion... I can move on to the behavioral techniques in the anti-craving section.

But this is getting a little ahead of the game... this is all assuming you identified the emotion BEFORE you got to the bottom of the ice cream carton. If you did NOT identify the emotion until AFTER eating over it, or in the middle of the eating... you still have a choice. The choice to STOP, and turn it around.

DO NOT beat yourself up. Go to the Beck strategies related to getting back on track. You can return to your program at ANY point. Before eating, in the middle of a bite, or after you've overindulged, even days later. But the sooner the better. The important thing is if you find yourself eating... take a deep breath and figure it out. Find that emotion. At first, this may be the ONLY way to find that emotion. As you get more and more practiced at this, you'll be identifying the emotions BEFORE you dive into the Ben & Jerry's. 

And whenever you do identify and respond... there is a further step to all of this... solving the underlying problem that led to the emotion. And again, I'll save that for another installment. Because that's actually Beck's Day 34 exercise: problem solving. 

But before I do that one, I think I have one more blog about emotional eating before I get to the problem solving. That will be reviewing the behavioral techniques in stopping / avoiding starting an emotion triggered binge. Today I choose: to FEEL my feelings. 

For the coach, since I've left off the check list the past couple of days: 

• I have been reading my response cards at least twice a day. 
• I have been eating sitting down and noticing each bite. 
• I have been planning ahead, although for today, not until I got up this morning. 
• I have been monitoring and recording in writing what I ate. 
• I have been getting in my spontaneous and planned exercise. 
• And I'm in the process of writing about my experiences with emotions!

Eliminate Emotional eating part one: Realize that you HAVE emotions

Eliminate Emotional eating part one: realize that you HAVE emotions 

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Sounds really, really basic, but I'm dead serious here. Some of us have a history of suppressing our emotions to the point that they all appear to us as HUNGER.

I was one of those. I was in such deep denial particularly of emotions like anger, resentment, sorrow, irritation, anxiety, the blues... anything "negative"... that the way I discovered I was having an emotional episode was by finding myself "in the food"... at the bottom of the ice cream carton or empty chips bag, or standing in front of the open 'fridge looking for something to make myself feel better. Or the cupboard. And I would go from one eating choice to the next, to the next, hunting for that elusive "something", some FOOD, that would make me feel better. 

Beck, and many others, simplify this into "find alternate ways to calm yourself down and then problem solved." But first you have to recognize that you are in fact FEELING something. And that it's NOT hunger.

In her list of anti-craving strategies (Day 13), Beck lists 1 as "label it"... and she starts with telling yourself that this feeling is just a craving. 

I go a step further. "This feeling is masquerading as hunger or a craving, but it's really an emotion." And then I proceed to the next step, which is to try to figure out just what emotion it IS!  This took a good deal of practice for me, and it is a method that I find myself in need of even today, well into maintenance. 

If you are a normal eater, and have a healthy emotional profile... if you don't have emotional eating roots, you're probably wondering: Why? Why would anyone suppress their feelings and emotions? The answers might be as varied as our individual psyches and histories. Perhaps as children our feelings were denigrated or we were threatened if we expressed them: "you stop crying right now, or I'll give you something to cry about." "Suck it up, you're not really hurt." "Sticks and stones..." Maybe you (or I) were a sensitive child, and took things far more to heart when you heard the grownups talking (especially if they talked down people with whom you identified). Bottom line, somehow, in your child-mind, it became inappropriate for you to have or express feelings. 

 And yet, you HAD strong feelings. The easiest thing to do in the face of that strong emotion was to "stuff" it, so you didn't express it (say something that you might regret). You would try to numb the feeling. 

The one emotion might never be suppressed, though, no matter how hard we subconsciously tried, was shame and self-loathing... we could despise ourselves for our lack of control over our eating, for being unable to control our emotions. By overeating, we may have found that the emotion that wasn't safe to have (anger at the boss/husband/parent) got transferred to a self-hatred / punishment mind-set. Food became both soother and punisher... did it make you feel better? Really? Nope. Honestly? Nope.

Awareness is always step one. Honesty is always step one. You can't SOLVE a problem until you know it's there. You can't get better until you know what you're treating. 

So, yes, step one is accepting your humanity. You HAVE feelings. Not all of them are pleasant. But that's OK. And none of them are forever... they come, and they go, with time. What a relief to learn it's OK to have emotions. 

If you see yourself in this description, I would recommend an exercise that Beck didn't have us do... monitor what emotions you are feeling over the course of a day... when you realize you have one... write it down. Then observe how intense that emotion is. Check in with yourself 20 minutes later... is it still as intense? Or has it faded somewhat? Very much like monitoring hunger levels as discomfort... only now, focus on emotions and just realizing that they are there. 

Where the behavioral therapy comes in is in changing what we do in those moments when we become aware of what's going on, emotionally. Where am I in the cycle of feel - eat - change feeling - eat more repeat... when I become aware of feeling? The sooner I become aware, the sooner I can go to the next step, which involves identifying the feeling, and making a conscious choice about what to do with/about it. 

And I'll save that for the next installment.

Right now, I'm choosing BEDTIME! Rest well, fellow Spark friends! 

The Beck Diet Solution Day 33 - Eliminate Emotional Eating

The Beck Diet Solution Day 33 - Eliminate Emotional Eating 

Wednesday, January 07, 2015 

I fully expect to blog on this day for several days, as I'm kind of short on time this morning, and this is one of my hot button topics. I've long believed that most commercial and self-help groups dance around emotional eating. Beck, with cognitive behavior therapy in her tool bag might have one of the better chances of dealing with it effectively.

As a life-long emotional eater it always disappointed me when I would go to a diet group and discover they gave it only lip service. In 1989 I took a quiz at weight watchers which was supposed to determine which emotions triggered one to overeat. Did you eat over anger or stress? Sadness and sorrow? Were you a celebratory eater, eating when happy? Did you eat over boredom? 

They had six questions... I ate for ALL the reasons. They offered SOME of the same things Beck does, I remember them as mainly distraction, which works best for boredom. They may have offered more, but they did not spend much time talking about it... focusing far more on the mechanics of losing weight.

And that's my biggest complaint with "dieting"... it doesn't solve "life"... and the uncomfortable truth is that many of us want it to. Eating to calm yourself down? Culturally embedded from childhood: what's the first thing you do when a baby cries? Feed it and cuddle it. We continue with our toddlers... feel bad? Here's a cookie. The commercials push those memories at us... hot chocolate as love. 

My goal in working on overcoming the compulsive/emotional eating is to NOT remove the joy from eating (food is a blessing)... but to detach using eating as a means to procrastinate (avoidance), to sooth or to punish myself or to transfer feelings about other elements of life onto my eating behavior. 

That can be deep, heavy, emotional work. In following blogs, I'll go into Beck's toolbox again (a reprise of Day 13 anti-craving techniques) and how I use each of them. Since I was rather distracted when I originally blogged Day 13, this will be a more thorough treatment... but right now, I have to get out the door for work. 

Today, I choose: BALANCE, i.e. let's make a living while living a life!