Eliminate Emotional eating part one: Realize that you HAVE emotions

Eliminate Emotional eating part one: realize that you HAVE emotions 

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Sounds really, really basic, but I'm dead serious here. Some of us have a history of suppressing our emotions to the point that they all appear to us as HUNGER.

I was one of those. I was in such deep denial particularly of emotions like anger, resentment, sorrow, irritation, anxiety, the blues... anything "negative"... that the way I discovered I was having an emotional episode was by finding myself "in the food"... at the bottom of the ice cream carton or empty chips bag, or standing in front of the open 'fridge looking for something to make myself feel better. Or the cupboard. And I would go from one eating choice to the next, to the next, hunting for that elusive "something", some FOOD, that would make me feel better. 

Beck, and many others, simplify this into "find alternate ways to calm yourself down and then problem solved." But first you have to recognize that you are in fact FEELING something. And that it's NOT hunger.

In her list of anti-craving strategies (Day 13), Beck lists 1 as "label it"... and she starts with telling yourself that this feeling is just a craving. 

I go a step further. "This feeling is masquerading as hunger or a craving, but it's really an emotion." And then I proceed to the next step, which is to try to figure out just what emotion it IS!  This took a good deal of practice for me, and it is a method that I find myself in need of even today, well into maintenance. 

If you are a normal eater, and have a healthy emotional profile... if you don't have emotional eating roots, you're probably wondering: Why? Why would anyone suppress their feelings and emotions? The answers might be as varied as our individual psyches and histories. Perhaps as children our feelings were denigrated or we were threatened if we expressed them: "you stop crying right now, or I'll give you something to cry about." "Suck it up, you're not really hurt." "Sticks and stones..." Maybe you (or I) were a sensitive child, and took things far more to heart when you heard the grownups talking (especially if they talked down people with whom you identified). Bottom line, somehow, in your child-mind, it became inappropriate for you to have or express feelings. 

 And yet, you HAD strong feelings. The easiest thing to do in the face of that strong emotion was to "stuff" it, so you didn't express it (say something that you might regret). You would try to numb the feeling. 

The one emotion might never be suppressed, though, no matter how hard we subconsciously tried, was shame and self-loathing... we could despise ourselves for our lack of control over our eating, for being unable to control our emotions. By overeating, we may have found that the emotion that wasn't safe to have (anger at the boss/husband/parent) got transferred to a self-hatred / punishment mind-set. Food became both soother and punisher... did it make you feel better? Really? Nope. Honestly? Nope.

Awareness is always step one. Honesty is always step one. You can't SOLVE a problem until you know it's there. You can't get better until you know what you're treating. 

So, yes, step one is accepting your humanity. You HAVE feelings. Not all of them are pleasant. But that's OK. And none of them are forever... they come, and they go, with time. What a relief to learn it's OK to have emotions. 

If you see yourself in this description, I would recommend an exercise that Beck didn't have us do... monitor what emotions you are feeling over the course of a day... when you realize you have one... write it down. Then observe how intense that emotion is. Check in with yourself 20 minutes later... is it still as intense? Or has it faded somewhat? Very much like monitoring hunger levels as discomfort... only now, focus on emotions and just realizing that they are there. 

Where the behavioral therapy comes in is in changing what we do in those moments when we become aware of what's going on, emotionally. Where am I in the cycle of feel - eat - change feeling - eat more repeat... when I become aware of feeling? The sooner I become aware, the sooner I can go to the next step, which involves identifying the feeling, and making a conscious choice about what to do with/about it. 

And I'll save that for the next installment.

Right now, I'm choosing BEDTIME! Rest well, fellow Spark friends!